Alaska Citizen, January 22, 1912

(A satiric take on Rudyard Kipling’s 1911 poem The Female of the Species)

When department stores are crowded on a glorious bargain day,
And a strong man wants a dollar, he will fearful turn away,
For he dare not risk his person, the onslaught of a sale -
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When the lord of all creation at his club gets rather tight, 
And he starts his homeward journey through the darkness of the night,
Is it tales of hold-ups grewsome make his manly courage fail?
No! The female of the species lies in waiting for the male.

When he barefooted climbs the stairway of the home he calls his own,
And although he treads a thumb tack, he is too afraid to groan,
Then she rises up before him, ere he frames his flimsy tale,
For the female of the species is dead wise to every male.

The brains of men and women are not equal, so they say;
But she draws out his mazuma in her ever winning way,
For when it comes to money her instincts never fail,
And the female frisks the specie from the unsuspecting male.

Man’s simple heart is trusting, he is arrogant with pride,
For he is sure to be a father before the eventide.
But his heart goes sick within him when he hears the triplets wail -
The female of the species often hands it to the male.