The San Bernardino County Sun, California, June 13, 1937

Calcium - Makes the strong, silent man. You know, the kind that doesn’t say much but gets a lot done, “Calcium” people have high cheek-bones, broad shoulders and large bones.

Mr. Doherty was pretty unkind about carbon. Carbonites are dull, lazy, plump people. The “carbon” woman looks charming when she’s sitting. Waddles when she gets up.

Oxygen: Good talkers, mixers, friendly and optimistic. Yes, you guessed it. Oxygen makes good travelling salesmen.

Phosphorus: If you have an excess of this you believe in fortune-telling, reading palms, finding your future by the stars and all that.

Hydrogen: With lots of this you’re the big-bodied type. Refined susceptibilities - but you like others to do your work.

Sulphur: Produces the unstable type, living in emotion.

Iron: Makes artists.